OHA Holiday 2008 Fish and Goose Soiree

Raise a glass with OHA this December 5th at Royale, when your favorite softball team rings in the f@#$%ing holidays and celebrates 11 years of harvesting miracles, testing the limits of decency, and other stuff. 

"Cross over children. All are welcome. All welcome. Go into the Light. There is peace and serenity in the Light."

And Dont Forget The Motts...

HOW DO THE PLAYOFFS WORK?

Top 4 teams will make playoffs and its single elimination.

Overall League champion will win $1,000.00 cash prize and runnerup will receive $500.00 cash prize.

OHA Is the Reason For The Season

I like coffee. I like to drink a big cup in the morning and then i listen to music and bang my fist on the table. Yeah - your right, I talk too much, but you know what else? I also listen too much. Oh, I could be a cold hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. You go ahead and think what you want about me, but I'm not changin'! I like me... My family likes me! My friends like me!... Cuz i'm the real article... What cha' see is what cha get!

Now lets go out there and win one for the Obama. 1...2...3... OHA!!!

Just like back in the day!

Mark your calendar! Saturday night - Jay Warner's Birthday!
Upstairs at Le Royale (by the bar)! Pete Shalvoy (Porkchop) on the 1s and 2s!

Details coming soon!

OHA FALL SEASON IN FULL SWING!

WHATS UP OHA! Let me start off by saying - great win last week! We were understandably a tad rusty, but still put on a good show. And a BIG HAND to the OHA rookies - you all kicked ass! Couple of announcements :

1. The Fall schedule is posted right here on the blog, stage right. See it? Good. (Current games are denoted in red) Clearly our first game was not at the East River Fields and the future dates may change as well. The schedule will be updated frequently here on the blog and via email notifications and on omarshouseofass.com .

2. Game results are posted below the schedule.

3. To all ohanyc blog contributors - CONTRIBUTE OR DIE!


Thank you and may all of your dreams come true,

Management

Master Cleanse

I heard that Jay did this thing for a few days. I think that Ronan did it too. I'm curious - what's it like! I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. I think I love food too much to do it.....
What fifth came out? Would you do it again? If I remember correctly Ronan looked like shit when he was in the middle of it. Wouldn't it be easier to just eat bran or drink prune juice?

OHA HAD A BIG YEAR

It started with Vera and Roger’s July wedding. Then before I could even recover from my hangover Cos and Jen brought beautiful T-Pac into the world. Casey is getting married in October and now Ira is engaged. Even though OHA fell short in the playoffs the team is still having a big year. Congrats to all the wonderful OHA couples. In the spirit of the up coming election I make you this pledge. I will keep the spirit of OHA alive. As the team grow older and more “mature” it is easy to forget that OHA was not built on wedding bells and baby strollers but Jameson and Budweiser. That this is not a team that overwhelmed their opponents with their excessive power but with the power of their excess. I will always drink irresponsibly and take the extra base.
OHA RULES

J

What's the story behind this picture?

Bruce Wayne went on a bender and he took out the wrong car?
The Justice League went on a bar crawl and needed a vehicle so no one would drive/fly drunk?

Yankees Hangover

After watching the Yankees blow another game, I decided to just crash early and get a good night's sleep (for once). Why did I wake up in the middle of the night with a blazing headache? I should've just went out and put my head out with some brown sauce.

OHA Olympics?

After watching part of the opening ceremonies last night (no, I didn't go out on a Friday night). I was wondering, what parts of that event could we include before OHA games?

I couldn't come up with any - but here are a few Olympic events that OHA could compete in. Feel free to make suggestions on your own.....

1. Wiskey shot making

2. Blind-drunk apartment location

3. Spontaneous napping

4. Blue Ribbon wildlife hunting

OHA Signs 1st-round Draft Pick: 1 Day Old

Tegan Rio Tuesday Pacheco was born Tuesday, August 5th 2008 at 12:28 pm and was immediately drafted by OHA. "T-Pac" is projected to start training with the OHA farm system in the year 2023.

At today's OHA press conference, coach Jason Warner announced, "OHA has a bright future! OHA's starting shortstop for the 2026 season has arrived. Tegan Rio Tuesday Pacheco is here! I don't know much except Mom and Baby are both doing great and Cos only fainted twice during labor. Congrats to the new parents! OHA RULES!"

Tegan's father and current OHA all-star ( yeah, I said it ) outfielder, Marcos "Cos" Pacheco added, "This kids got the stuff, and its in her diaper... and its pretty gross."

The Final Countdown

Even though I am subscribing to the project (see previous blog posting), I call on all OHA members to raise their glass to honor Jen and Marcos' entry into the world of parenting. I currently am looking for an mp3 of the song to post on the site....

Project Dry Out

What it is?
Your fearless leader and team captain has been on a lit bit of a bender since well, honestly 1992. Ever since OHA invaded the Cape it has been just a bit out of control. In the last month I have had someone threaten to shoot me in the street, repeatedly woke up in places with very little idea how I got there and most recently derived way too much pleasure from melting slugs with Kosher Salt.
So I am going to put the bottle, or bottles down for a while and hope I start to get all the feeling back in my left hand.
Wish me luck
OHA RULES
J

Pena Express part III

Coach Warner, "Supafly" Santiago and "Power Ass Wurcel" heading out to the stadium tonight to meet up with "Hurricane" Pena and his Pops. I have a prediction of many bad things happening this evening so, if this is my last transmission just know that I love you all and I am proud to have coached this team for as long as I have.
OHA RULES

Pena Part II : The Empire Strikes Back!

Cos, Ben and Ro hit the stadium last night Courtesy of Chris and Tony Pena). Unfortunately for us, the Yanks were massacred by the Angels - that said, the night was MAAAAAAD fun and I'd like to personally thank the Penas for an awesome time! OHA!

"The Hurricane" Blows Back Into Town

Coach Warner and "Supafly Santiago" met up with OHA All-star and legend, Chris "Hurricane" Pena, who is in town with his dad for the Yankees/Angels series. Here's what they had to say...

Warner: "What it is? As good as it was to see Chris "Hurricane" Pena and his Pops last night I now feel terrible. I also have a feeling that I will continue to feel awful until Sunday. I do have an all star ball to show for it though. OHA RULES!"

Santiago: "How it is, is how it was...and how it was, is how it could have been. OHA All-Star/legend Chris ‘The Hurricane’ Pena is back in town for the yearly playoff sojourn... a day late of course. Turner, Pena, OHA at its best... how is this season over? At least we have these official 2008 All-Star game baseballs as a consolation prize. Lock your doors, the gang is back together again!"

Why I Missed the Playoff Game

By Hank Mitchell

The night before, I had a few cocktails with a certain team captain. We decided to wrap it up early and call it a night - after all, the yankees were getting killed by Baltimore and it was hard to watch. I walked home and was chatting with the doorman when a friend of mine came in the lobby. I said hello and since we lived on the same floor, decided to ride the elevator up together.
While we were going up, she says to me "I bet you think we're going to hook up." I paused and replied, "Well, the thought had crossed my mind..." She laughed, and ask me to come in, as she was hungry and was going to make something to eat (I know what you're thinking, but just wait and read the rest of the story).
To sum it up, I waited patiently for her to cook (of course thinking about starting other things), and when we started to eat, she told me to hang on and she'd be right back. She went to the bathroom. Of course I thought the night was going to end well - until I heard her puking in the toilet. She was getting sick, and as soon as I realized it, I felt a tingling in my throat...
I ran out to my apartment down the hall, and proceeded to throw up all night (or the rest of the morning). Felt like crap all the next day....

If IF's and BUTT's.....

If if's and butts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry xmas!! - Santa Claus by way of VERA

The Art of the "Neck-Punch"™

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Watch OHA "Neck-Punch"™ instructional video A17-b