THE 13TH ANNUAL OHA NIGHT OF A THOUSAND LAUGHS... AT YOUR EXPENSE

HEY YOU!

REMEMBER THIS BLOG? YEAH, WELL ITS BACK SO WAKE UP THE INTERNETS!

AND, TO COMMEMORATE THIS JOYOUS OCCASION I'M INVITING YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES (LIAR, YOU ARE ALONE, EVEN IN COMPANY!) TO COME AND ENJOY A NIGHT OF MYSTERY, INTRIGUE, AND PAIN LAUGHTER!

 THAT'S RIGHT MR. AND MRS. SOFTBALLS, IT'S...
THE 29TH ANNUAL OHA FESTIVAL OF RAIN-DANCING EXTRAVAGANZA AND WATERPARK TANNING CLASSIC!

WITH SPECIAL GUEST STARS, PHYLLIS DILLER, CHER, THE COMEDY STYLINGS OF "BEN", JAMIE FARR, THE GLENDALLE SINGERS  AND... YA MOMMA. HOSTED BY THE EVER PRESENT AND EFFERVESCENT, JJ "THAT'S NOT AN ENCHILADA" LASK!

WITH SPECIAL APPEARANCES BY:

HENRY "HANK" MITCHELL AND THE HENRY "HANK" MITCHELL ORCHESTRA

AND BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND, "RODNEY'S HUGGING CORNER"

SECRET SANTA!!!! ( NOTHING OVER 20 BUCKS YA CHEAP BASTARDS!)

THE HAPPS:

SATURDAY THE 14TH

8PM(ISH)

467 KEAP STREET
APT 9A
WILLLIAMSBURG


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ENOUGH FOOD AND BOOZE TO FEED A SMALL COUNTRY, BUT PLEASE BRING A BOTTLE OF SOMETHING AND/OR A SIX PACK OF SOMETHING ELSE. (CUZ IT AINT AN OHA PARTY IF SOMONE'S NOT BLEEDING AT THE BOTTOM OF A FLIGHT OF STAIRS ( JAAAAASSOOOON, YOU RASCAL!)

Omar attacks 2011 with opener victory

You know the thing about a shark, he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t seem to be living until he bites ya and those black eyes roll over and white and then, ah, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screaming. The ocean turns red and despite all the pounding and hollering, they all come in and they rip you to pieces.

WAIT FOR IT....

OHA - WELCOME TO FLAVOR COUNTRY

O-HAAAAAAAAA!

OHA SELLS OUT MOLOKAI HAWAIIANS

ALOHA OHA!

OHA theme song for 2011?

Came across this song when I was acquiring some music recently and I literally choked b/c IT IS PERFECT! (I'm such a juvenile).

OHA UNDEFEATED!!!!

Double Secret Probation sound bite Animal House sound bites

OHA GOES 2-0 WITH HUGE COMEBACK WIN!

NEW YORK - OHA v DOMINICK & DOMINICK

OHA staged a massive comeback win Friday night against the team who ended their playoff hopes last season. OHA got off to a good start knocking in 2 runs in the first inning, but a lackluster defense put the team in a 12-5 hole that seemed all but insurmountable. That is until a late inning 2-out rallys combined with aggressive base-running led to a 13-12 win for the Casa del Culo!

Hi-lites included big hitting from newcomer Sara Williamson, as well as "exciting" sideline commentary from legendary human being, Morgan "Morg-1er" Grove.

In a post game interview JJ Lask (SS) was asked how he felt about the game, to which he replied, " I don't do f@#$ing interviews."

At the post-game OHA boozing, Mark Snipe (CF) was overheard commenting, "... the funny thing is, these guys drink this stuff down like its water." In a related story, i'm still hungover 2 days later.

OHA's next game vs. The New York Times is this Tuesday, May 2nd at 5:30PM. Location: Central Park at North Meadow Field #8... And its Patch day! the First 200 fans will receive an official Omar's House of Ass Iron-on Patch. Bring the kids!

OHA ENJOYS BUTTONS

instant fun

OHA RETURNS YOU FUDGING ICE-HOLES!

TAMPA, Fla. — Omar's House of Ass opens spring training this Thursday at the Grand Street fields at 6:00 PM. And this...

OHA GETS PISSED ON BY GOD

OHA was rained out today but, check this out: It's a 10-foot Great White shark that was almost bitten in half by a 20-foot Great White shark... Neat-o.

THE OHA BLOG STRIKES BACK WITH A REVENGE! THE SEQUEL!!! PART 2!!!!

Just in time for the last game of the regular fall season, the OHA blog returns like an estranged step-parent!

OHA heads into game 6 of the Fall season on the heels of a 4 game winning streak. last Wednesday, in a highly contested game 5 OHA fought back from a 6 run deficit to take the win against insert defeated team's name here .

Game hi-lites included back-to-back homeruns from J "Coach" Warner and Roger "Broken Arrow" Scholl, as well as a batting clinic put on by lefty slugger, Casey "One for the Road" Slamin and an OHA defensive lock-down featuring the golden glove of JJ "Raindance" Lask.

Barring a rain-out OHA plays its final game of the regular season tomorrow, Wednesday, October 28th 6:00 PM at 52nd Street and 11th Avenue. And dont forget, its OHA "Beer, Booze and Tots" day at the stadium. Come enjoy the OHA hijinks on and off the field. Wink wink.

LET THE "NO RAIN" DANCE COMMENCE...

NO RAIN!

NO RAIN!

NO RAIN!

NO RAIN!

A message from OHA Head Coach, Jason "It's Just a Flesh Wound" Warner

* comments in red supplied by "OHA management"

Nice win against a completely scrub ass team last night (Like beating a one-armed step child) Next Friday (6/19/09) we play the #1 seeded team and OHA's arch nemesis, Top of The Rock (The crack rock that is! HAHAHAHAHA!) They beat us in the play offs last year and this year in our first game of the season. We owe them (Revenge, thy name is Omar!). You have almost two weeks to clear Friday next afternoon with work (Friday... we are going to get WASTED! OHA!), or just to plan an early escape from the office (Kill your boss. Kill them all. do it!). As much as the team we played last night sucked, (I dont remember their name either) we almost lost because we didn’t have enough heads to take the field until exactly game time (In my defense, i like to show up at the last second - keeps the fans on their toes). It’s a 5:30 game at 110th and Manhattan Avenue - Field #1.
Get there early and get warm (with some of Benny Starkman's delicious, sun-cooked egg nog®!). We need to spank these miserable douches. (Yeeesh! You kiss your mother with that mouth?)

"I'm not an Alcoholic... I'm a POWER-DRINKER!"

OHA boosted their winning streak to 2 in a row this past Tuesday (5/26/09) in a dog-kicker of a win against (Name of losing team here). The sky was dark and a cold drizzle covered the field, but like Conan the Barbarian, OHA would not be denied, taking the win in style (12-8).

The following is an interview with OHA veteran third baseman and legal council, Ira "Ira Smash" Wurcel...

OHANYC: Great game on tuesday

IRA: Word

OHANYC: A 5th inning grand slam put OHA down 7-3. You smashed a 3-run homer to answer and put OHA back on top. How did that feel?

IRA: It did feel good. I dedicate that home run to Dr. Rodney Santiago, who provided me with analysis and recommendations on how my swing was screwed up

OHANYC: Did he tell you to keep your eyes open when you swing?

IRA: it was much deeper than that

OHANYC: What, like a deep-tissue massage? did he make the gay sex on you?

IRA: no

OHANYC: What was rodneys advice?

IRA: I was swinging too early

OHANYC: What did you hit for the game?

IRA: I think 2 for 4, 3 RBI, 1 R

OHANYC: Your awesome. What did u think of that team?

IRA: They were okay. We are better. Team last week was better than them. Team first week was better than them.

OHANYC: I didnt ask you about the other teams.

IRA: What do you think of them?

OHANYC: Its a decending ladder of goodness versus the compatibilty of victory devided by Ben's colon. Who would you say was the MVP of the game? was it Ira Wurcel?

IRA: hmmm... I made an error at third that led to a run...

OHANYC: Self deprecation is the hallmark of great thinkers.

IRA: Was it Ben?

OHANYC: Ben didn't play...

IRA: Casey?

OHANYC: Casey doesn't count. The correct answer is "Marcos is the MVP of the game". Thank you for playing though.

IRA: Drinks later?

OHANYC: I think i'm going to stay home with a bottle of Chardonay and watch "Roadhouse" starring Patrick Swayze.

Check out the Ira Wurcel Collector Card here

OHA 2009 PREVIEW...

Lock up your daughters and hide the livestock - OHA is back! Follow the zany antics of your favorite softball team as they smash, slide and grab their way through another hysterical season of the softball, trying to snatch that golden ring or someshit. Stay tuned...

OHA Holiday 2008 Fish and Goose Soiree

Raise a glass with OHA this December 5th at Royale, when your favorite softball team rings in the f@#$%ing holidays and celebrates 11 years of harvesting miracles, testing the limits of decency, and other stuff. 

"Cross over children. All are welcome. All welcome. Go into the Light. There is peace and serenity in the Light."

And Dont Forget The Motts...

HOW DO THE PLAYOFFS WORK?

Top 4 teams will make playoffs and its single elimination.

Overall League champion will win $1,000.00 cash prize and runnerup will receive $500.00 cash prize.

OHA Is the Reason For The Season

I like coffee. I like to drink a big cup in the morning and then i listen to music and bang my fist on the table. Yeah - your right, I talk too much, but you know what else? I also listen too much. Oh, I could be a cold hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. You go ahead and think what you want about me, but I'm not changin'! I like me... My family likes me! My friends like me!... Cuz i'm the real article... What cha' see is what cha get!

Now lets go out there and win one for the Obama. 1...2...3... OHA!!!

Just like back in the day!

Mark your calendar! Saturday night - Jay Warner's Birthday!
Upstairs at Le Royale (by the bar)! Pete Shalvoy (Porkchop) on the 1s and 2s!

Details coming soon!